Casting Call 2: Attack of the Supporting Cast

Our first casting call was apparently wildly unsuccessful. Most of the big Hollywood names we were shooting for turned us down, forcing us to use straight to video actors like Eric Roberts and Christopher Lambert, neither of which are viable contenders for the role of my sisters. Nevertheless, we trudge on, committed to already begin casting for our sequel, even if no one wants to have anything to do with it. In that way it will be like our version of Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, but with more silver alien nudity.

And to all of you who resent being listed as the supporting cast, perhaps this will teach you to be more generous come holiday time.

I'm starting with the people I've known the longest. So first up is Thad Davis who I guess I met in the fourth grade. He may resent the fact that he'll be played by John Kruk,
but it's a pick made out of love. It's like shoving someone down the stairs as part of your way of inviting them to prom- as long as you say something cute like: "I'm totally falling for you," everything will work out promtastic and no one will worry about who ruptured what.

I've known John Baker nearly as long, and I distinctly remember that for Halloween our senior year he dressed as Shaggy from Scooby Doo:
Yet I've always felt that he looks a little like Robert Deniro, especially know that he's turned 65 and gone gray...I'm not talking about Deniro.

I met Chris Ryan during the summer of 19-ott-2, playing SRV Little League Baseball, and while he may play centerfield and run the bases like gold glover Willie Wilson,
he probably won't be too happy that I'm bringing up his likeness to Aaron Carter.
Look the thing is I might actually have a chance of getting Aaron Carter to sign up for my movie- I don't think he's doing anything now that...what does that dude do?

Don't tazer me just yet bro. My final casting choice for Chris would have to be Luke Skywalker prior to having his face all messed up from fighting Darth Vader/flipping his motorcycle.
"It's not impossible. I used to bullseye womp-rats in my T16 back home, they're not nuch bigger than a meter."


I did not meet Megan Ryan before the rest of the people on this list, but since she is married to Chris she gets the honor of being cast next...and cast as Emilie de Ravin from Lost.
And if you don't watch Lost enough to know who this is, you might not be nerdy enough to be reading this post.


Eric Molina was like the first person I met in high school, unless you count the fact that I stared at miss thang Brooke Staley for all of 1st period Geometry on my first day of ninth grade- I do, she doesn't. Anyway, I originally wanted to cast all of my buddies as professional athletes, in which case he would have been Priest Lauderdale.
Ultimately though, I think we'd try and cut a deal with the animation studio to hire the part of Huey Freeman from Boondocks. And yes, I realize that Eric is not black. I found out a week ago.
The part of Matt Gaver could really go one of two ways. It's not that much of a stretch to cast him as Tom Burlinson of The Man from Snowy River fame (?).
Yet I think a much bolder move would be to cast him with Donald Trump, assuming we can steer trump away from the comb-over.
The Trump come-over, is uuuugggge.


Just how much time do I spend watching sci-fi shows like Lost? Enough to know that Matt Hintze could be easily played by Jeremy Davies.
Davies may not capture all the subtle intricacies of Hintze, but this would allow me to call him every night to bug him about Lost.

"No man listen, the island is alive and YOU guys are dead...no listen...there are statues with four toes and what are they supposed to mean?....uh huh...uh huh...well I didn't realize it was that late. No, I understand if you need to go back to bed."


Okay, technically Will Hyde is not up next, but I'm getting tired and need to finish what I can before I fall asleep. I couldn't decide between Hayden Christensen or James Franco. Actually my wife was the one who pointed out that you look like them, and I distinctly remember her also pointing out that she's very attracted to both actors. My point is, stay away from my wife.
So, I guess your choices are being played by the faggy good guy turned bad guy from Star Wars, or the good guy turned faggy bad guy from Spider Man. Remember, only a Sith deals in absolutes, and with great power comes great responsibility.


This post is ongoing...