Casting Call

You know a while ago we got to thinking, if they ever made a movie about our lives (and they won't) what would it be rated, and who would star in it. Well, obviously our meager earth rating system could not possibly gauge the awesomeness of such a sci-fi/comedy/action/romance, but we could venture a guess as to who would play us...and you.

Welcome to our casting call.

We'll start with our parents. Big Al would definitely need to be played by Rutger Hauer, because honestly the resemblance is pretty uncanny. Observe:

To be honest, this could have also gone to Lou Pinella, to whom he- well he looks just like him.
The part of Harry would be played by Locke from Lost. Not Terry O'Quinn, the actor who plays him, but the character Locke. Locke is a big-game hunting island guru; Terry O'Quinn is probably a an animal rights activist that drinks bottled water. We'll go with Locke:


Alrighty then. Marie would have to be played by Sally Fields, who's best work is still in Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey.

For Joy, we chose to cast Emma Thompson who would bring a little sophistication to our shoot 'em up gangster film.

We'll keep the kids in each family grouped together...for continuity.

As for Gretchen, we spent a long time thinking about this and decided that Catherine O'Hara would fit the part.

Chris made a good point that Cory really looks like Eddie Jemison from Ocean's Eleven.


Don't see it? Well, how about now?!!!



Likewise, you might not see the immediate resemblance between Kirsten and Nancy McKeon...
...until you see this awesome picture. You take the good, you take the bad, you take 'em both an- anyway Jo would play Kirsten.



Travis, you helped us dominate the Turkey Bowl, and for that we salute you. You're a good man. Ty Pennington could play you in the movie of our lives, but only if you agree to help me hold him down and kick him repeatedly in the groin, assuming this movie ever gets made. Can you imagine how great it would be to kick Ty Pennington in the groin? He'd be like, "Woooooowwww, that was a wicked assault on my junk, bro!" My foot could absolutely give his endocrine system an extreme makeover.

Sarah would need to be played by an 80's star. We choose Justine Bateman, and if Jason Bateman choses to hang around during the filming, I'll wow him with my knowledge of Sandy Duncan trivia ala his days on The Hogan Family.


What'd you think? Did you think we were going to choose David Duchovney to play Fax Moulder just because he played agent Fox Moulder. Well you're wrong...and you embarrass your entire family. Instead, we chose Jamie Hyneman from MythBusters, which is like one of his favorite shows anyway. Think that's a better choice? Good...


Months before she posted comparison pictures of herself and Haley Mills on her blog, we decided that Leah would be played by the star of the Parent Trap. And that was before she cut her hair and looked even more like Haley Mills. If you don't believe me, you can check my journal entry from February 12, 2008, in which I clearly penciled Haley Mill's name in next to Leah's on the original casting call. Of course, if you went back twelve years and read my journal entry from February 12, 1996, you'd find the following:
"Today was soooo awesome. I played Tecmo Bowl for five and a half hours and then wrote fan mail to Mario Lopez. High School is the coolest!. What do you think it would take to get Julia Devore to go out with me?"
It just gets worse from there.


The first time I watched Heroes (dude, I don't watch Heroes) I thought to myself (seriously, I'm into cool guy stuff) "That dude reminds me of someone." Well, that someone was Greg Grunberg (and if they really do kill off Nathan Petrelli then I'm totally never watching again) and he definitely reminded me of my brother in law, Matt.


Dude, Chris, you know who you totally look like?
Don't say it.
No, no listen man, you seriously look a lot like...
I don't want to hear it.
Oh, okay, that's cool...
...you look like John Mayer.
Just shut up.


And your wife (Ashley) looks like Willow (Alyson Hannigan).


Alright, time for the Weeks side...STRONG SIDE!!!

We couldn't decide who to cast for Colleen, and then we found this picture on her blog, which really reminded us of Elizabeth Perkins in Big.
And sure enough, she does bear a bit of a resemblance. But can Elizabeth Perkins make a fierce candied yam dish for Thanksgiving? I think not- take a lap Perkins.


Phil kind of favors Andre Agassi whose genetically enhanced Ubermensch children will someday rule the sports world with an iron fist. I don't know if Phil's children will be equally impressive specimens of sports superiority, but I can personally vouch that they're already pretty solid at Ping Pong.


Christy made a great point that Karen looks like Lauren Holly. And you know it's a shame, people only remember Lauren Holly for Dumb and Dumber and not for her quality performances in Picket Fences, or Down Periscope, or...nah, who am I kidding. Dumb and Dumber was her only good movie.


Andrew really does have similarities with Tom Cruise, except that he's twice as tall as him and has never cursed out Matt Lauer. But hey, Matt Lauer had it coming...he was glib.

For Camille we chose Sarah Michelle Gellar, who will not be allowed to bring Freddie Prinze Jr. on set.


Heidi's a singer, and so is Kassidy Osborn, or is that Kelsi Osborn? I'm not sure, and even if I was, I don't think I'd make an admission of She Daisy fanhood on the internet...even if their Christmas Album was magical.

Do you know that Samuel L. Jackson has had over 115 different acting roles? One more playing Jared in our movie couldn't hurt."The truth is: you're the weak, and I am the tyranny of evil men. But, I'm tryin', Ringo, I'm trying real hard to be the Shepard."


Hunchback of Notre Dame may have been a terrible movie, but we can still cast Esmerelda as Sharyn. And Sharyn, if you're not sure about being cast as a cartoon character, don't feel bad...I'm a muppett.

As for our family...well let's be honest. You came to see who was playing YOU, not us. But if you're still reading, you're probably just trying to kill time at work anyways. Here it is:


I looked everywhere for a picture of Baby Grinch to cast the part of Graycen. But I couldn't find one. Try it sometime, google is baby-grinchless. So, instead I chose Elora Dannon from Willow, who was played by the Greenfield twins.
"Did you see that, he stole our blackroot!"


Mr. Wynn WILL be played by Thomas Sangster, and he will lead the Revolution, and the Revolution WILL NOT be televised.

I'm getting really tired. Christy will...be...played...by Nicole Kidman.

I would look more like Guy Smiley if I didn't look like such a tool in this picture.Go to bed.